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What is it that makes people bland and boring as podcast guests, and what could you do about it?

 Do you think people remember you after seeing you or hearing you on a podcast interview or reading some of your online content? Well, they might if you stand out in some way, but most people don't, so most people won't. In this episode, I want to expand on one of the key elements that came up in my conversation recently with Neil Veglio,

share some of my own thoughts that there wasn't really time to get into during that episode. Now, I don't know if you've noticed this, but there seems to be a lot of bland and generic content getting pumped out these days, and seemingly also a lot of equally bland and generic people doing it. Everyone is vying for attention online these days, and the people who get it are generally grabbing that attention.

Unfortunately, that's often because many of them are deeply unpleasant, people sharing highly offensive and extreme opinions. I only have to look at what's trending on Twitter to regularly see the usual suspects who are sharing horrible things or doing horrible things online. Many of the names that regularly trend, you know, are trending with something awful before you even take a look.

The polemicists and the extrem. Do seem to have taken a great deal of our attention online and we seem to love them and hate them for it. At the same time, you only have to look at all the attention a certain form of president still gets in the press to see the many ways in which we have become addicted to outrage and sensationalism.

And whilst it may be that the majority of people in reality are far more moderate in their views, it doesn't always appear that way on social media because far too many people are afraid to speak. You could be forgiven for thinking that you need to become a shameless grifting void of morality with extreme or highly controversial views in order to get any attention and to make any money online.

But I don't think that that's the case. I really think it's more an issue of people generally holding themselves back and being a little too bland. Perhaps because they see what happens when people do speak up online and they don't want to get piled on. Maybe it is partly as a reaction or response to the contrarians online, but also partly because people generally seem to lack the passion and conviction of their beliefs and values.

I remember when I was first being trained as a trainer with Harv Eker, it was made very clear to me by Harv and the team that there was no room for being bland or boring. Now, I've lost count of the amount of times I heard Harv say normal is boring. It seems that most people want to be seen as normal and as a result at doing a very poor job of becoming memorable.

Being memorable requires standing out, and most people just don't want to do that. So if you want to be a mediocre podcast guest, then here's what you need to do. Spend all of your time obsessing about what people think of you. Make it all about you suppress all your own values and core beliefs so that you can fit in with what the majority thinks and finds acceptable.

Because the last thing you want is to have someone openly disagreeing with you. Refuse to get excited or enthusiastic about anything at all, and remain as serious and professional as you can at all times. Do no research or preparation for any of the shows you're going to be on because you are the star, right?

And once you've delivered your bit, just forget about it. Do nothing else. Yeah. If you're happy being mediocre and forgettable, great. Good for you. You'll likely still find some following and tribe out there, but you'll never really stand out. becoming more memorable requires becoming more. You know that thing that Simon Cowell often says to people on those talent shows?

That doesn't always seem to make sense, like, be you, but be more you. That's not about becoming some arrogant, diva asshole. It's about turning up the dials on your personal energy. People will often tell you it is about being more authentic, but most people in their authentic day-to-day lives are kind of dull and not especially exciting.

If you're being authentic to your true personality by how you are most of the time, that's really not going to cut it. Be authentic to your values, to your core beliefs, and if you are not clear on what they are, you've got some work to do, but that's why people like myself are out here to help you with that kind of thing.

Now, one of the reasons why I think Simon Cowell has become so popular over the years is that he shares his genuine thoughts on things, or at least that's what he appears to do. Most of the other judges don't want to say anything that's not positive or might get someone to potentially rethink their catastrophic decision to embark on a professional singing career.

Simon Cowell is often thought of as being Mr Mean, but people love it because he's not trying to pander to the audience or say the right thing. He seems to want to give feedback that he believes the person needs to hear. I've noticed this in most feedback situations that I see that people are usually scared or unwilling to give any feedback that is anything less than positive and might not be what the person wants to hear because you don't wanna trigger people. You don't want people getting upset or offended.

This is way too common in coaching as well. Far too many coaches want to be everyone's friend and don't want to upset anyone and end up being as my new friend Neil Veglio said in our recent chat, like bland cake, a vanilla sponge with no icing.

Sometimes people need to hear some harsh truth because most people are not prepared to be the one who tells them. So we don't always get to hear it.

In general in society, we tend to be more drawn to comforting fantasies than harsh realities. The trouble is we end up being weaker for it. We lose our mental resilience if we only ever hear good things about ourselves and we won't ever get any negative feedback. We end up struggling to say no to people for fear of what they're going to think about us, and we end up losing any healthy boundaries that we should have because we're too busy contorting ourselves to being liked by everyone.

In being a people pleaser, we put our confidence in the wisdom of the crowd instead of ourselves. We lack true passion and conviction because we have to temper our true thoughts and feelings through the filter of public perception. You don't need to get loud and preachy, save that for the churches, but you do need to find your own passion and enthusiasm for your thing and let it shine through you in the way that fits best for you.

How do you expect to effectively serve your clients or audience if you only ever tell them what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear? You don't need to be an asshole about it. In fact, it's better that you are not, but you do sometimes need to get people to swallow the bitter pill, which as Mary Poppins reminds us, goes down much better with a spoon full of sugar.

The best coaches I know do tough love very well, and it's something more of us could benefit from doing. I recommend keeping in mind a bit of Toltek wisdom from Don Miguel Ruiz's book, the Four Agreements to "Be Impeccable With Your Word". So don't speak to be unkind or to rip someone to shreds. Find acceptable ways to share or frame your feedback, making sure that it is coming from a place of positive intent for the recipient.

It may also help to keep the wisdom of Socrates in mind as you. Well then, said Socrates, turning on his heel, if what you want to say is neither true, nor good, nor kind, nor useful or necessary, please don't say anything at all. I believe we can all do better when it comes to helping people get what they want and get to where they really want to get to.

Being provocative can be good and healthy when it's done in the right way, with the right intention. We all need challenges in order to grow and transcend the status quo. If our quest is to be better coaches, better leaders, better teachers, better podcast guests, we must be willing to be disliked sometimes by some people. But we're not aiming to be disliked by everyone.

every magnet both attracts and repels. So be more magnetic by both attracting those who vibe with your values and core beliefs and repelling those who don't. They're not for you anyway. It will probably feel a little bit scary at first, but I promise you this, it will be transformative for both you and for your clients and audience.

And one thing you'll notice is that you'll very quickly stop being bland. Now, I don't know about you, but I've worked with many coaches over the years, and I've always found it to be true that the ones who are nice and gentle and fluffy, they do very little to help me grow. The ones who can deliver tough love in a way that shows that they genuinely care and want to challenge you to be your highest potential self are the ones with whom I personally have always.

I know there are gonna be coaches who disagree with me here, and I'm good with that. In fact, I welcome anyone who does disagree to come and tell me why you think I'm wrong. Because I like to be challenged. I don't think I'm so right that I'm not willing to hear other people's opinions and consider them, and if I end up figuring out that I'm wrong, I'm going to change my opinion based on that new information because that's how it should work.

We should not be afraid to be challenged on our opinions or to change our minds if we end up being wrong. Now, that's pretty much it for this week, but the one thing I'll close on is that if you don't have passion, confidence, and conviction in the things that you're saying and doing and how you deliver all of that, you're never gonna come across effectively to the people who you want to serve.

So it's essential that you start turning up your energy and enthusiasm for the things that you share with your audience and with your clients.

You'll often hear it said that the best way to put someone into an emotional state is to be in that state yourself. Well, if you want to inspire and motivate people, you have to show up being inspired and motivated yourself.